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flashbulb memory

A flashbulb memory is a highly detailed, vivid, precise, long-lasting, concrete memory of the news or the events in the past so shocking or so memorable, as if you've taken a snapshot. One can recall the amount of sunlight, how early it was, how quiet it was inside the house, one can recall the birds tweeting outside, the temperature, how fast my heartbeat felt, the color of the surrounding, the noise in the background, you remember something very much that you wouldn't be able to forget it.

One of my flashbulb memories is when I ate with my relatives to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. It was afternoon. It was a bit hot. And we went inside this simple restaurant. I ordered 'nilagang baboy' or pork with stock, and shrimps on the side. The table was brown and I was somehow seated in the middle of the table. Until now I can't forget how bad I felt, how terrible my stomach felt and how I was always wanting to throw up.

When I took off my eyeglasses, my mom found out how yellow my eyes were. When we finished eating, and I still recall how I had so much leftovers, we went to the doctor. I still remember how busy the hospital was, and how gray the walls were. The fountain was marble and I was waiting for our turn. When my mom told the doctor how bad I felt, I think the doctor had an idea. So I went upstairs to get a blood test.

After waiting for a couple of minutes, the nurse returned and said that they had to test my blood once more, because they might have found an error. After the second test, they gave me the results on this white paper. My doctor reviewed the results and she took off her eyeglass to rub her eyes.

She explained something to me and I figured out easily, something was wrong. In my blood there is a certain level to measure if there's something wrong with the kidneys. This certain level should measure only 35 for males, and 70 for females. I forgot the name of what's it's called but if you are below 35 for that certain level, you're normal.

The number on my paper was 1356. Compare that to a normal level of 35.

I had Hepatitis.

I remember having asked, do you want to go home or do you want to be admitted in the hospital? It was still the middle of the term. So I guess, I'll be missing a lot of days. I was rushed to be admitted and I can still recall that brown stretcher. I was asked what was the color of my urine, I said that it was brown and I was admitted into the hospital.

I had Hepatitis A. And from there on, I just stayed on my bed for weeks watching the Christian Network. My pastor dropped by and remarked that I was spending time with my family. Maybe I just needed the time off. I wasn't really scared at that time. I wonder why. I got better from 1356 to below 35. Imagine that.

Open Letter

To tell You the truth, I'm scared of my fall term. Mom, found her job that she was looking for and I am thankful. We've been discussing that for a while. And I am thankful. She said that I can now quit my job and concentrate on my studies so I can take more than 3 subjects per term. I can't take more than 4 subjects because that's too much for a working student like me. Fall term starts on September 7th and they will end on November 23rd. I don't want to quit work because I can't depend on them all the time. As I've made my intention clear last year, I wanted to help Mom and Dad alleviate some of the expenses. I want to work because I also have some things I want to buy. Even though I can apply for a student loan, I plan to save money for the future.

As I was reviewing my schedule for the fall term, I noticed that it's almost identical to last year's schedule. But I only have one Math subject on the winter term. And I'm planning to take subjects for spring of 2012 as well. My computer course is every Wednesday, 6-9pm. Lab is on Friday. I work in the evenings. I will be spending more time away from home in the evenings. And I'm just realizing that I will only have one day of rest, Sunday. I will be either at school or at work from Monday to Saturday. Despite the rest on Sundays, I won't be home neither. Still I thought to myself that it'll only be for 12 weeks.

I was given an option in my head that I could drop that computer course because computer courses are hard. But I believe that I need that course. If I drop that subject, I can gain a day off. But if I dropped the subject, that would prolong my study even further to a year.

I remembered what my mom said, after I registered my subjects, she asked me if I could handle my load. What did she mean by that? I said I would handle it, because I want to graduate. She was concerned, I think. I know it's hard. But I feel that if I take this subject off, I'd be making a mistake. I'd be wasting the time. And if I finish this subject and pass it, it would a huge achievement. With You, anything is possible.

I don't know where to start thanking You. After what happened last year, I want to experience You again. I didn't want to drop it because I want to put my faith in You. I want to find out what You have for me, the best things that You've laid for me. I know it's going to be a lot of work, I know it's going to be really hard, I know it's going to be really exhausting. But I want to experience You because, in You, there is wholeness of joy. There's so much I can gain from You. Even though I'm scared, even though I really don't know what will happen to me this year, I am excited to find out what You have planned for me. I ask for Your wisdom this year, my God. I bring You back the glory. I am very grateful. I really don't know where I should start thanking You.

This is my solemn prayer. And also an open letter. In Jesus Christ's name,
Amen.

about the author:
Sam1 is a freelance writer / photographer, webdesigner in Canada, works part time in market research while fulfilling his life as a full time student. Sam1 is aspiring to be a teacher and an IT Analyst.

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